Most people that know me in real life will tell you I’m extremely kind, nurturing, and soft-spoken. These are all qualities that I absolutely love about myself. They are also qualities that when not given boundaries, have been detrimental to my growth, happiness and peace.
It was not until I learned to create healthy boundaries that I was able to thrive and bounce back from my self inflicted downfalls.
Learn To Say NO, and Then Learn to Say YES!
Half of my battle was that I’ve always been a yes wo-man. I don’t like conflict by nature, and my “go with the flow” personality often had me saying yes to situations that I don’t want to be in. First, I had to learn to say “no.” For me, this meant turning down events I couldn’t afford, severing ties with people who didn’t have my best interest at heart, and standing up for myself to know what I deserve in my life, in my love, and in my goals. Though this all a continued work in progress, I’ve become okay with disturbing the peace, as long as it brings me peace.
My Tips for Saying No!
- Don’t apologize. If you want to say no, be firm and direct. I often found myself apologizing for missing out on certain things, for speaking my mind, or for simply being me. Use tact always, but say what you mean, and mean exactly what you say. I said what I said never resonated more.
- Buy yourself some time. If you’re not sure, don’t respond with a yes. Tell the person you need time to think. They will respect it, or they won’t. Make decision with a clear mind and heart.
- Compromise. ONLY do this to serve yourself. If the activity, friendship, relationship, or whatever it may be doesn’t benefit you, it’s a firm no. Compromise to find solutions that benefit all parties.
- Refusal Versus Rejection. This was, and is REALLY tough for me. When you say “no,” remember that you are refusing a request, not rejecting a person. For example, if I person mistreats you and you decide to walk away from the friendship/relationship, you are refusing to be mistreated, not rejecting the broken person who is projecting hurt. A whole word, right?
- Be true to yourself. Know what you want and stick to it! Peace is the ultimate goal!
My Tips for Saying Yes!
- Be true to yourself. Know what you want and stick to it! Peace is the ultimate goal! I’m saying this again because when you know what you want, you do what’s best for you!
- Don’t Feel Guilty For Growing As I began to change, I started to feel like I was leaving some folks behind mentally. As you say YES to growth, your energy changes, and so does your circle.
- No New Friends? Actually, YES to new friends. Ones who are like minded, God-centered, goal-focused, and support you like you support them.
- Take Time For You Oh hey, moms! When’s the last time you did something just for YOU? Learn to say yes to self-care wholeheartedly. If this means scheduling one day out of the week/month where you shut off mommy duties, go for it! If it means a quick visit to the nail salon on the weekend, do it. When you take care of you, everything just feels better!
- Believe In Yourself. The biggest task in creating boundaries is the confidence to know that you deserve the world, and are able to obtain it. You daily decisions and thoughts impact your life in mighty ways. Say yes to believing in you, affirming yourself, and chasing after the life God has created for you!